“May 21, 2007 Monday
I have been having troubles with Mother Jenny lately. Ever since we came home she has been so grumpy, she acts as if Mother committed a sin by having her baby. She wont even look at her and she hasn’t held her since we came home. I put a picture of the baby as the G-mail profile picture and when Mother Jenny got on the computer she took it off and put one of William. William has been the profile picture since he was born.She is so jealous and full of hate! She bugs the HELL out of me!
I got in big trouble because I grabbed Sam’s cheek and told him to leave Tommy alone. I think I’m gonna leave. I’ll go live with Parley and Madie or Grandma Pam. I am so sick of this.
I was basically a Mom to my younger siblings, I could discipline them and they had to obey me. My Mom and Dad trusted me to use good judgement, but when it came to Jenny’s kids, they were untouchable, Jenny would tell them outright they didn’t have to listen to my Mom or myself even though that was against the religious rules. Warren would say that the children in Plural marriages shouldn’t even know who their birth Mother was. It was to be ran as a household, all Mothers giving equal love to all children. Yet, there was this clear divide in my family. Whenever I would strike out at Jenny’s kids it was because they had pushed me far enough that I dared inflict the wrath of Jenny on myself. They would go out of their way to prove that I couldn’t do anything about what they did, they constantly picked on my youngest siblings, didn’t do their chores, taunted me and lied about everything because they knew they were immune. Jenny ALWAYS won. She would cry and yell at my Dad about it when he got home and he would inevitably come to me and yell at me or somberly talk about how I was disappointing the Prophet by my actions, I needed to Keep Sweet. I couldn’t. I was an angry teenager and I hated the injustice of it all. So I would regularly strike out when I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Usually something quick like a pinch, or a squeeze that would result in Jenny’s kid throwing themselves on the floor crying uncontrollably until their Mom came running. I always did it in a blur of adrenaline that felt satisfying immediately afterwards, then disgust at their show for their Mom, then regret, then fear of the consequences of my actions, I never got away with it once. My Dad rarely listened to my side. He told me he needed me to be more like my Mom, just forgive and forget. Keep Sweet.
“May 22, 2007 Tuesday
Holy Helk! I was mad yesterday. Sorry for saying I was going to leave. I was seriously thinking about it, but the longer I thought about it the more I decided that NO I am staying here. I am determined to do better and ignore and forgive Mother Jenny and her kids. And overcome my swearing! I have been saying “hell” and “shit” Sorry 😦
May 26 2007, Saturday
Mother has been gone to Margs since the 23rd she has Missy and the baby. I miss the baby SO much!
I am MAD right now!! I was going to take the laptop to exercise, but Father told me he needed it and he and Mother Jenny went into his room and locked the door. I know exactly what they are doing! -Watching a movie called “Night at the Museum” I am peeved!
I think if Father cared about me, he’s spend more time with me. I know I don’t deserve to be loved but it hurts bad to see that its not just my imagination. If I left right now, no one would be sad. They’s just say “good riddance” I hurt inside. I wish someone would take the time to talk to me and let me know that they love me, but I know no one really does. Whenever I try to talk to Mother about my feelings she finds and excuse to leave me there. I just want to leave. i need help. Half of me wants to leave and the other half wants to stay with my family and go to Zion. ohhh. Help me!
May 28, 2007 Monday
Mother got home yesterday afternoon and it has been hell! Mother Jenny has been grumpy since the second Mother walked in.
May 30 2007 Wednesday
June 1st is Tillies Birthday. I don’t know what to do for her! We don’t have any money, and I cant make her anything. I called her and asked her what she wanted and she told me just a hug from me. So I am going to go home with Ben on Thursday night then I will go to the Flower Depot on Friday morning and then go home on Monday night. I already asked Father and he said he would think about it. I hope he says yes!
June 3, 2007 Sunday
I went with Ben on Thursday night and spent the whole day with Tillie at the Flower Depot! It was so fun!
June 7, 2007 Thursday
Father FINALLY named our baby girl! And it is Liberty Grace Rohbock. (Thanks to me!) I am going to call her Libby. Father says we are moving tomorrow. He called Rulon and asked for help. I don’t know what we will do for boxes but hopefully something will show up!.
If you recall, Dad was going to name the baby Roberta after a lady he knew named “Bert” I wracked my brain for days trying to think of other names that had Bert in it cause we HATED the name. Mother cried when Father told her because she disliked it so much. I think that really made him think. He named every single one of his children without any word from their Mom. It took him so long to name her because he finally cared what Mother thought. I came up with the name LIberty Grace and had Mother present it to him, he thought about it for a week or so and finally announced thats what her name was. I was very happy! Libby is one special little girl. I love her with all my heart!
“June 8, 2007 Friday
We ARE moving! Rulon, Tillie, Jared and James are here to help. I am packing you! Have a safe ride!
June 10, 2007 Sunday
Well, here we are in our new home. It is much bigger than the last one! It has an upstairs with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, the downstairs has 1 bedroom, 2 living rooms,1 dining room, 1 bathroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. Father gets the Master, Mother has a room with Libby, and Mother Jenny has a room with William. Sharon, Merilyn, Candice and Brandy share a room. All the rooms have walk-in closets except for Sharons but she has the second biggest room in the house. Downstairs, me, Missy and Tommy share a room and we have the scrappin room in there too. The yard is half of the last one but it has a brick fence so it means we can go outside! I really like this new house!
We are fasting for 3 days starting tomorrow, to pray for the deliverance from the revelations of Satan. I can’t tell you how we know, for it is a secret.
More like Lyle Jeffs ordering thousands of people not to eat for 3 days and be happy about it. He was laughing at us. I know it.
June 14, 2007 Thursday
We are done fasting. The kids ate Macaroni and Cheese for dinner last night, I NEVER knew how good mac n’ cheese was until that moment when I couldn’t have it. It looked so good.
June 23, 2007 Saturday
Today is Mother and Fathers 21st Anniversary. and guess what. Father took Mother Jenny to Park City for the weekend! They left yesterday morning. I am SO MAD!!!! I can’t imagine what would happen if Father did this on Mother Jenny’s anniversary! She would probably leave Father or she would never forgive him, and she would cry about it every night until she was 82. I feel so bad for Mother! Sometimes her being so sweet makes me mad! Just because Mother Jenny is a whiner and a complainer doesn’t mean she should get whatever she wants. But she does. The last time Mother went alone with Father somewhere, it was to the bank, they were gone for 20 minutes and Mother Jenny called Father 3 times! That was the last time in like 3 months. Any time she goes with Father, Mother Jenny has to go too, or Mother chooses to stay because Mother Jenny is a trouble-maker. To her, her kids can do NO wrong and she hates Mothers kids with venom. She is unfair and cruel when Mother is gone and Mother loves us so she doesn’t leave us. Mother Jenny went alone with Father 17 times to Vegas when we lived in Mesquite, all of them were all day, with a shopping spree and ended with an expensive dinner. Mother went 16 times, with Mother Jenny. To do monthly shopping at Sams Club. And since we have moved here, Mother has gone once with Mother Jenny and Mother Jenny has gone 3 times alone with Father. NOW they are in Park City, UT for Mothers Anniversary weekend and Mother is here, watching all the kids, and cooking all of Mother Jenny’s dinners. !!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!!!! I am so upset! 😥 I love my Mother more than life and I wish Father would pay her more attention and treat her like the loving, kind, and forgiving wife she is. She is not a SLAVE! And STOP being run by Mother Jenny!!!! I am sorry Mother….
Makes me so sad…
July 3, 2007 Tuesday
Today is Mothers Birthday. She is 37. Father hasn’t even had anyone sing Happy Birthday to her. On Mother Jenny’s Birthday we sang 3 times. They are gone to lunch right now with Uncle Randall and Aunt Apey, Grandma Debra and Rulon. Mother Jenny went. (Mother didn’t go to Mother Jenny’s birthday dinner) I am so sick of Mother being treated like she is nothing!!!
My bitterness about the years of my Mom being treated like this is definitely starting to come out. This is when everything started changing for me. I started questioning the religion, I had bad feelings toward my Dad, all I believed in anymore was my Mom. She was my everything. The frustration and anger I felt everyday on her behalf led to all the choices I made later on.