July 21, 2006

“July 21, 2006 Friday

Hello, my friend! My name is Jessica. I am so glad to have a journal, I don’t have any friends besides my sisters and cousins but I don’t dare tell them my hearts desires and my true thoughts. I love how you are going to listen to me whether its a complaint, a wish, criticism, secrets, sadness or desires. I love that you will give me the wisdom to let my feelings out and sort it out myself. Love Jessica

Later

We had missionaries tonight, Father answered “no” on the question “are all family members taking care of their duties?” It made me want to do better.”

This is my second journal. I remember as days were going on I couldn’t wait to document the things that happened. It was special to me. I loved the thought of my great grandchildren reading it and wondering about my life and loving who I was when I was a teenager. 

“July 27, 2006 Thursday

Mother got me an eye appointment for August 4th. I need to make a ton of cards so I can have money! I started weight watchers on Monday. I have been exercising too! It is so fun, I feel so good! How much do you think I’ll lose? I hope its at least 5 pounds! (dream on)

I made handmade greeting cards and sold them on consignment to the Flower Depot. Aunt Sarah (the owner) bought them from me for $2 each and sold them for $4. My Dad was very kind to my Mom and I and let us buy scrapbooking supplies from Close to My Heart. My Mom was a consultant. She was supposed to sell and distribute to people and had a minimum of $150 to spend each month. I usually made all that money in my card sales and then I picked out the order for myself. I had so many things I organized it to perfection and it was another one of my creative outlets. I am glad my Dad supported it even though he thought it was silly.

I always took photo’s of my cards here are a few:

2006 november family 110 2006 november family 141 DSCF0108 DSCF0110-1 johnnys birthday cake 001 johnnys birthday cake 002 johnnys birthday cake 004

“July 31, 2006 Monday

Well hoorah for “dream on” I didn’t even lose one solitary pound. I am still 200 pounds. You can’t understand how discouraged I am! I feel like a loser. What should I do!? I need to get control over my body. Oh, dude, I feel FAT!

August 1, 2006 Tuesday

Missy is turning 13 on the 13th of this month, I don’t have enough money to buy her anything but I think I am going to make a dress for her. Well, so much for making cards, I ran out of Zots on my first cards! What a bummer huh. I’m getting contacts! I don’t know whether to be nervous or excited, I will just be a little bit of both!

August 4, 2006 Friday

Oh, dude. It was just horrible! Everything went fine until the subject and actions turned to contacts. I am such a BABY! I got my eye exam and my eyes are way worse. When he got done he went to get the contacts I was so nervous! He came back with a little box and washed his hands, he said “K now I am going to put it in” He pulled my eye open and put a cold and slimy thing on my eye. ohhhh! I cannot stand to touch my eye! I just couldn’t keep my eye open! He tried for 10 minutes I kept resisting him and pulling my eye shut. He kept telling me to open wide, I finally got control over my reflexes and he put it in. When he got it in I couldn’t even feel it, So when he put the other one on it took 2 seconds. It was a wonderful feeling to have no glasses but being able to see! He made me watch a video about how to clean and care for your contacts and then he said a lady was gonna teach me to take them out, well my wonderful feeling went away YIKES! Well to put it shortly. I tried to get it out for 45 minutes. Mother made the lady go away but I still couldn’t do it. I wanted to cry. My insides were boiling over I was SO mad at myself I am such a BABY! We took a little break and I went and chose some new glasses. Then we went back and tried again, one of my main problems was that I can’t keep  my eyelids open, they pull so hard to close and they just slipped. The lady got so frustrated, I just wanted OUT! So finally the lady said “just go home and practice opening your eyelids, then come back and try again” So we made another appointment for Tuesday the 8th of course I don’t want to get contacts anymore. I finally told Mother again and she was sad but I am really glad! P.S. Mother told me to pray about it she said “heavenly Father can do anything, I am sure he can help you get some contacts out of your eyeballs!” When we got home (Me and Miss have a little flip calendar that has a quote on each day) I flipped the page to August 4th and on it said “Let there be no limit to what you take to God in prayer”

August 5, 2006 Saturday

Well, I prayed for my contacts last night I asked Heavenly Father if I should get them or not. I got a really peaceful feeling so I just know that He wants me to get them, It is just up to me. I know I can do it with His help.

August 7, 2006 Monday

Mother said “I hope you decide to go because we really need to go to costco”  Now I feel like I have to choose yes because Mother wants to go! I DON’T want to!

August 8, 2006 Tuesday

We’re going 😦

Later

My appointment was at 2:00pm we left early to go to Costco. We ate lunch there and while we were eating Mother said “we’re going to the eye Dr next” I immediately lost my appetite and I almost started crying, I have never been so nervous before. I did not want to go but I knew I had too. When we got to the office I just sat there for awhile and said nothing cuz I knew I would cry if I did. I was hoping and praying I didn’t get the lady I had last time, she was so so, mean! She got so frustrated and I don’t feel comfortable with her. Then this really pretty lady came in and called my name, said “come on back!” She was really nice, but I was so nervous I was trembling. She had me wash my hands , she pulled out a little sample of contacts and put them in front of me. I put them in in about 7 minutes. Then came the hard part. I tried and tried but couldn’t do it! Then she leaned over and whispered “guess what? that’s not how I take mine out” (cause she was following the rules on the video) She showed me how she took hers out and I tried it, I got it out on the 3rd try!! She said I passed! I’m so happy, I know H.F. had that lady there because he loves me. I couldn’t have done it without her help (and His!) I felt like hugging her.

I have no idea why I created such a big deal out of contacts. I know I was painfully shy so the first lady must have put me off my game because the plig girl and her Mom bugged her lol. 

Here are some photos of a family Sunday trip we took that I didn’t write about:

june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 001 june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 006 june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 019 june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 029 june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 036 june 25 2006 sunday trip to springdale 042

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3 thoughts on “July 21, 2006”

  1. Seriously Jessica: You should publish this in a book. You wrote that you find the thought too daunting, but I’m pretty certain that all that you need to do is a) call a publisher that deals in such matters (so how about William Morrow who did Elissa Wall’s book or Broadway Books which was the publisher of Carolyn Jessop’s book?) and tell them that you want to publish your “FLDS teenage diaries” and then b) they will give you someone to help you with it, so you won’t have to do the commentary on your own. That being said: Your writing is great. Your commentary is great just like that. It’s quite warm and filled with humor, I guess compassion for your teenage self.

    Don’t worry: This will be the last time I say that. But you have close to nothing to loose (only if you hate publicity… and money) and a lot to gain.

  2. Hey! I´m from Norway and I´m reading this, I absolutely love this, because I´m quite fascinated with the FLDS community, I have noticed that there are some that are encouraging you to try to publish this as a book and I just have to say that I agree! You’re writing is great, your story is great and the best of all, it´s true! Just e-mail a bunch of publisher and tell them about this blog, then they can see it for themselves. And if you are worried about people knowing who you are and stuff you can get to publish it using a fake name, and change all the names in the diaries, and just don´t publish the pictures ( I absolutely love it, but if that is what it takes for you to publish it then go ahead!)

    I hope that in a little while I´ll be reading more from your life in a book, but if your still decided that you won’t publish then I hope that you will still write it her on this blog, keep up the good work!

    1. Hi Marie! Thanks for taking the time to read the blog and comment! It is appreciated.
      I have decided to try and get a book out there, I am trying to establish some contacts and get the ball rolling. In the meantime I will try to post more on this blog. Thanks so much!

      With gratitude,
      Jessica

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