May 21, 2006

“May 21, 2006

Father and Mother went to Salt Lake to pick up a couch for Uncle Jake. They left at 3am and got home at 4pm. They went and saw Madie and went to Cabelas.  Mother Jenny tended and all I can say is it went horribly!

We are pretty much settled in, Mothers and Mother Jennys rooms still have a ton of boxes, and all the fabric is being stored in a cubby hole in the living room. We have found 4 black widows :l and tons of huge cockroaches! Aunt Margaret got asked to leave right after we moved in here, its so sad. I have met the rest of the neighbor children and I have to say I don’t like what I saw. They have a boy named Steven and he is the biggest snot! They have a boy named Fred who is 17 (he is SO cute!) All their little children say the F word all the time and they are swearing constantly! Steven is so mean to the little girls, he bugs me!”

Aunt Margaret was Sam Fishers 1st wife. She use to own and run a fabric store in Colorado City. Around the time we moved in she was told to close her business and she put up such a fuss about it she was “corrected” she wasn’t especially kicked out, just sent away from her family. Sam’s 2nd wife was actually married before and all the kids I was talking about were from her previous marriage. I think they had 1 baby together. 

I think my journal was the only place I ever admitted thinking Fred was cute. I never told anyone. 

“May 26, 2006

Missy broke her arm (at least we think she did) We were playing ditch outside with the neighbors and Missy was running and she fell and  hit the concrete and hurt her arm! She is crying right now, I feel really bad for her. Our last sewing class was on the 11th. Father said we can’t go for awhile and Tillie can’t ever go again. I am so sad.

May 29, 2006 Monday

Missy went to the Doctor and came back with a splint, she has broken her growth plate! It hurts her really bad. She has to go back in a week to get a hard cast.

June 1, 2006 Thursday

Tillie’s Birthday! This morning me and Miss woke up and we had a new dress on our beds! Tillie made them for us, they are made out of blue suiting with sunflowers embroidered on the collar. They are SO cute! Tillie is so nice! We went to Lunch for Tillie’s Birthday it was SO fun! Aunt Sarah paid for the whole thing! We brought Tillie her present and hung out for a little while. I am going to bed now. Things aren’t going very will between us and the new neighbors. They get mad so easy!”

I took this photo of Tillie when I was about 17 years old.


My cousin Tillie passed away on August 19, 2013 under heartbreaking circumstances. She was only 23 years old. Her whole young life was spent in and out of the Doctors offices and the hospital, she had many health problems that ranged from recurring cysts on her ovaries and neurological issues.

Around 2011-2012 Warren Jeffs started tightening things up in the FLDS. Dividing the people into groups, UO, non-UO, and those that got kicked out. Lyle Jeffs, Warrens Brother who is running things now that Warren is in prison, declared that every single member of the FLDS had to send in a confession letter, stating everything they had ever done that was wrong, then they were to be interviewed and then sorted into groups. UO stands for United Order, those who were deemed worthy were selected to be a part of the UO group while those who were not so lucky were either kicked out or remained there in horrible conditions. The UO members attended secret meetings several times a week and had different rules. The non-UO members were thrown to the dogs. No matter how old or young they were. Families were separated, UO and non UO members were separated, even mothers from their children. The young boys who were non-UO were put into trailer homes and they had to fend for themselves, Tillie’s 12 year old brother and another cousin of mine aged 11, included. 

As you can imagine from the tone of this story, Tillie did not make it into the UO. She was removed from her home, her younger siblings who were her life, and her Mother to go live in a home with her Grandmother who did not make it into the UO either. She was told she didn’t make it because she had been touched by a male Doctor. A Doctor who she was instructed to see by the very man who condemned her. She was heartbroken. She had lived her life in a way that she had sacrificed everything for the FLDS leaders. All she wanted was to be married and have children of her own. She loved her family with everything she had. 

After being kicked out of her home she refused to go to the Doctor any more, thinking it was what God and the priesthood wanted. She couldn’t talk to her Mom or see her little sisters and she slowly got worse. On August 18, 2013 her Grandmother went to check on her because she had been very ill and she was laying in her bed not breathing. She called 911 and they rushed her to Saint George hospital, they got her heart pumping again but it was too late, due to lack of oxygen, she was brain dead. Her Mother was notified and she contacted Lyle Jeffs to see what she should do. Not even making the last decision on her own as the Mother to this amazing girl. Lyle told her to take Tillie off life support. A few hours before they were scheduled to turn off the life support she called Tillie’s Father, Randall who had been kicked out awhile ago and told him what was happening, they said to come down and say goodbye but he refused. Saying that Tillie was no longer his daughter “The lord had given him his family for a time and now they belonged to him” Tillie was taken off life support, not surrounded by her little sisters, her brothers or even a quarter of the people who loved her and she loved so much. Her Mother and her Grandmother had to do it on their own. 

They called us a few hours after she was gone. I was never given the chance to say goodbye, Lyle then decided that none of her family that was gone was not allowed to come to her funeral. They wouldn’t provide us with the information of location or time. I found out later that they only had a grave-side funeral, they didn’t have a big funeral that they normally give people there because she was not apart of the UO. There were only about 8 people there. They spelled her name wrong on the little plaque that they set on-top of her grave. 

I can’t even describe the pain this gives me. Tillie was such a beautiful soul, so loving and kind to every person she ever came in contact with. She was the light of anyone’s life she touched. She gave her whole life to these people and in the end they took away the only thing she ever wanted. 

Tillie and her Mom before they got torn apart
Tillie and the babes
Tillie with her baby siblings
One of the many times she was sick, cuddling with her little sister
At the hospital with her Mom
With her Dad
This sums Tillie up. 🙂
Tillie and her cousin Karyn trying on my wigs
Tillie’s grave. The flowers are from my Sister and I.

4 thoughts on “May 21, 2006”

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, and your cousin Tillie’s life. It’s shocking that they took away everything she loved — it makes me so sad for her. But I also wanted to tell you that what you are doing, sharing your journal and your story (and Tillie’s) is probably the best memorial anyone could give her. That grave maker with the misspelled name may be where her body rests, but what you are writing here is a tribute to her soul. Thank you for allowing total strangers to share your pain and appreciate who she was.

  2. She sounds like she was a wonderful person. I’m so sorry that happened, not only to her but how it must have effected all who truly loved her.

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