March 26, 2006

“March 26, 2006 Sunday 

Today has been a horrible day, it started at 9:00. I got up and my hair went horrid then I went to Sunday School, I was wearing my worst dress. After Sunday School I went in and made me a grilled cheese sandwich, then I found out we were going to Uncle Randalls for dinner and we had to bring a green salad and baked beans. Uncle Randalls guys ALWAYS bring the baked beans and we didn’t know how to make them. So I took my my Cheese sandwich and ate it and read a book, when I was done I looked at the clock and it was 3:43! We were supposed to leave at 4 and we hadn’t even made the food yet! I went out of my room and Missy was making the green salad so I threw some beans into a pan and added some BBQ sauce and Brown Sugar. Well Father left and we got to take the car, well we got ready and left. Missy was holding the salad and I was holding the baked beans, we started down the road and all of a sudden I felt extra hot so I shifted the beans (they were right out of the oven) and they still felt hot so I moved them and looked down, they were spilled ALL over me! They trickled down the side of me and down onto my knees, fell into my shoes, and they soaked clear through my slip and underwear onto my skin. It was SO hot! I showed Mother and she turned around and went back home and told me to go in an change, they were both laughing SO hard and I was about to cry. I went into the house and none of my dresses were washed so I went out and told them to just leave me, and they started laughing again. I told them I wasnt gonna go so they left. I went into the house and boobed my head off, now you will just call me a baby but I’m NOT it was so stressful! Well I did a laundry batch and ate a caffeine candy and started reading. I’m not use to caffeine so I got really shaky so I had a nap, I woke up and put my dress in the dryer and started reading again. I read for about an hour when Mother Jenny showed up to bring me over I got dressed and went over, I went straight outside and watched the boys, then the day started looking brighter and it was, we played steal the flag. When it got dark we went in and had cake and gabbed. It was really enjoyable. We then went home and Mother showed me a video she took of us playing steal the flag and all the brightness went. I saw me running! I am so fat! I can’t believe how fat I am, I never knew how bad I looked! So I got all discouraged. We are moving the scrapbooking room down to Jacks old room and we are trying to move the big dresser and I asked Father to help me and he just ignored me. I asked him about 5 times and he just ignored me then went to sleep. So another big disappointment I’m going to go to bed and have a big cry. Good night!”

Can you say hormonal? Haha. I was such a drama queen. As you can see, FLDS 14 year olds have the same feelings as regular kids. 

Some Pics from that night:

stealtheflag2006_0326(016)                                                            Steal The Flag. My Cousin James and I. 

stealtheflag2006_0326(017)                                                                 Me, Missy and James

stealtheflag2006_0326(005)                                                              Some of the Cousins 

dinneratrandalls2006_0326(006)                                                              Sitting around eating dessert

dinneratrandalls2006_0326(004)                                                            Uncle Mike, My Dad and Uncle Randall 


“April 4, 2006 Tuesday

On Thursday our school got called into Uncle Kevins office to read a letter from Uncle Warren, All the Parents were invited, same with me. I didn’t go because that morning I set my hair and it turned out horrid and by the time it was time to leave my hair wasn’t done yet so I didn’t go. When they got home they were really sober. They said it was a good message and really sobering. Jack got put into DT. Mother is SO sad, he has been on drugs for a year and he has to be in there for a month. Its so sad.” 

Since I have left I feel like a sure sign I wasn’t meant to be FLDS was the fact that I royally sucked at all their hair styles, I have never been successful at the Plig poofs and the french braids and it caused me a lot of anxiety all the time. I felt I didn’t fit in. Some of the girls, including my sisters, could do incredible hair and I never could. You’ll find I write about it a lot. I had a lot of insecurities about my lack of talent. My Mom even paid girls to try and teach me how to do my hair. No one could quite believe me that I couldn’t do it, they thought I was trying to be a rebel. Doing your hair in a simple pull-back braid was the first sign that a young girl was “struggling” and it was like wearing your sins for everyone to see.  I really hated doing those stupid “poofs” they took out so much time of my day let me walk you through the steps:

  1. Wash your hair
  2. While still wet section off the front part of your hair
  3. Apply Geletin (actual clear Jello) 
  4. Push the hair forward and create a soft wave on the forehead 
  5. Secure with clips and boby pins (this is the “set” it allows the wave that you see on the FLDS women) 
  6. Allow to dry/blowdry
  7. Section off dry front part of hair
  8. Vigorously Backcomb with a brush, little sections at a time
  9. Smooth the top layer of the ratted hair
  10. Gather all the ratted hair and push it forward 
  11. Mold it with your rattail comb until it is smooth (this caused me to lose all the backcombed hair and I had to start over at least 8 times) 
  12. Once the style has significant height and the shape you want spray it with maximum hold hairspray (enough to kill 100 spiders) 
  13. Tame the stray hairs with a light-weight scarf
  14. You are now ready to do your elaborate french-braid. (trying to french braid behind my poof caused me to pull out the poof and I would have to do that ALL over again. I absolutely hated it.) 

You would have to do this every day, as sleeping on your “set” would most likely ruin it. Ugh. 

“April 7, 2006 Friday

Madie has been wanting to come down really bad lately and she figured out a plan, that we could get her halfway, Parley will bring her to Beaver and we will pick her up, she wants to stay for a week she was just thinking on Sunday. She wants me to ask Father tonight. I hope he says yes!


He said yes! I can’t believe it! We are going to get her on Sunday!

April 8 2006 Saturday 

Madie is going to stay in my room, Missy is going to sleep on the couch and I am going to sleep on Missy’s bed. Sharon and Missy both want to go with Father. I was planning on going so I hope I can! 

April 9 2006 Sunday 

Father decided to have just me and Mother go, Mother is going to drive I can’t wait its gonna be so fun! 


Missy got to come! It was so exciting getting that close to seeing Madie, we finally got to Beaver and we went into a chevron and we met Madie and Parley it was so good to see them again! Kacie is such a doll! On the way home we stopped at sizzlers, it was so fun! When we got home all the children came running out of the house and gave Madie a hug. We had dinner with Roy and Ruth’s guys. We went over to Uncle Randalls house, everybody was so surprised, Me and Missy had to sing a song with Uncle Randalls girls it was embarrassing. Kacie is such a sweet heart! I love her so much, Madie too! I’m so happy she is down here! 

Again, Madie is my older sister. She was 15 at the time. She got pregnant at the age of 14 by her 21 year old boyfriend. The Bishop kicked them both out. They got married on her 16th Birthday. 

This is the night of the Dinner I was talking about with Roy and Ruth, Roy is my Dads younger brother: 




Madie and Kacie:


Kacie and Me:







5 thoughts on “March 26, 2006”

  1. Hello Jessica. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog with your journal entries; you are an incredibly gifted young woman with so much to offer! I hope you’ll continue pursuing your love of reading, writing, and sharing your words with others.

    I read about your visit to the doctor and the hypothyroidism diagnosis you were given and that you didn’t continue to take the medication. You’re a bright woman so I won’t lecture you (lol) because I know you’re aware of the information on the internet and can learn about the disease on your own, but I just want to urge you to get checked again. The thyroid gland helps regulate so much in our bodies – everything from how much energy we have, how our bodies use food, how we rest, to how our hearts work. Left untreated it can cause serious health problems. Hypothyroidism is very easily and cheaply treated. Take care of yourself!

    I look forward to returning to your blog and reading more of your story.

    1. Thank you so much for your reply! I am glad there are people who enjoy my story and can get something from it.

      I appreciate your concern regarding my thyroid, I actually went to a clinic a month ago after gaining almost 50 pounds in 3 months. I do indeed have hypothyroidism but it is slight, it almost didn’t show up in my blood work. I am trying to reverse it with eating right and exercising the Doctor is on board with that choice so if I don’t improve within 3 months I will take some medication.

      Thank you for expressing your concern and for reading my story, I hope to see you back here!


  2. Thank you so much for sharing how you do that iconic hairstyle. I have seriously always wondered! When the little poof style (it’s a lot smaller) got popular while I was in college, I couldn’t get my hair too poof. Not even my friends who were pros could do it. My hair stylist told me my hair was just too heavy, so I have always wondered how FLDS girls with hair like mine managed to make theirs poof. Can I ask what girls with curly hair do? And did someone decree that girls and women are supposed to have that hairstyle?

    1. You’re welcome! It is quite the process. I’m glad I don’t have to attempt it anymore, although I did pull it off last Halloween. I never heard it decreed that you had to do your hair that way, it was like a society thing. It was a sign of your social standing. Like I mentioned, I put my hair in a braid more often then not, people looked down and me and were “concerned” because it was what the rebellious girls did to show everyone how wicked they were. The girls that were known around town as righteous and set s good example had insanely intricate hair. If you had the poof, but a poorly done French braid, you were frumpy. The curly haired girls still did the poof, we never cut our hair so there were no layers or bangs to worry about, that helped the curly haired girls, they just used a huge amount of hairspray to hold it all together.

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