“February 27, 2006 Monday
I just barely got done watching Love Comes Softly with Mother. It’s such a cute show! I read a book this morning about a lady who committed suicide and she saw a bunch of things. She saw the destructions and hell. It gave me a lot of things to think about… I shouldn’t have watched love comes softly… “
“The Destructions” is what we called the so-called end of the world/apocalypse. For as long as I could remember everything we were taught and things we did revolved around the Destructions. I clearly remember reading this book. It made me feel horrible about myself and terrified about my soon and imminent death. Watching a simple hallmark movie based on a book series I read made me feel so guilty it sent me on a repentance quest that lasted about a month.
“February 28, 2006 Tuesday
Father got Mother a camera! It’s so nice! We can’t bring it out of Mothers room because Mother Jenny doesn’t know we have it and she doesn’t have one. We didn’t get to go to the library this morning but we are going this afternoon and Mother Jenny is coming. Bleh.
March 1, 2006 Wednesday
I went to town but I didn’t even get to go to the library because Mother Jenny came. I am so sick of it!!”
Reading was my life. I discovered a whole different world. I can honestly say that all my education and things I know come from how many books I read. So thanks Mom for letting me go to the Library!
“March 2 2006 Thursday
Tillie just called and said that Zions Designs is doing a sewing class for $50 10 classes and she was going and for me to ask Father if I can go too! I asked Father and he said yes! I can’t believe it! It happened way too fast!
I am going to bring a dress for Candice to sew. I am so nervous! What if the lady doesn’t help me? I don’t know how to sew! Its going to be so embarrassing! Missy is coming too, I am SO nervous!
I got to Zions and was so nervous, and we paid $7.50 each (me and Miss) and then we had to go over to the other building, when we walked in there was a huge open room with tables all along the sides with drawers and cupboards, then in the middle there was 4 rows of sewing machines. They were huge with tubes that came down from the ceiling, the machines were so fast! Anyway, there were 3 girls besides me, Miss and Tillie they were all Mothers. The Teacher is SO nice! At first I was really scared but she was so nice I chilled really fast. I almost got Candices dress done, it was SO fun! “
Zions Designs was a fairly new Fabric and FLDS clothing store. I am not sure who ran it but I remember loving the place. They had all the appropriate FLDS fabrics and FLDS-made patterns for Dresses and Shirts. They even pre-made some and you could buy the traditional dresses already made.
“March 4, 2006 Saturday
Thomas is 2 months old today. I can’t believe he is so old! He has grown out of his preemie clothes and now he is wearing newborn clothes! He is SO cute! He is the most precious little thing you’ve ever seen! He is so fat now, I just love him to death! I don’t know how I could have lived before without him!”
I felt the same way with every new little sibling. I loved the little kids so much and thanks to the experience I gained through helping raise them all I got the job I have today, Lead Teacher at a Preschool.
Johnny, baby Tommy and myself
“March 8, 2006 Wednesday
I went to a well-child check up today. I was so nervous! While we were sitting in the waiting room (me and Miss) Mother told us that we were going to get a MMR shot (its an immunization for German Measles) so that made me even more nervous, I have never had a shot before! We finally got called in I had to get weighed (I weigh 193!!) get my blood pressure taken and a couple of other things. A nurse did all the things and then she took us into a different room, in there we waited for the Doctor lady her name is Maria. Anyway, she came in and listened to my heard and lungs looked into my eyes and got my temperature. Then she started talking to Mother saying that she thinks I might have a condition called “Hypothyroidism” (don’t ask me what that is) and she started saying all the symptoms 1. Weight increase 2. Sensitive to heat and cold 3. Energy loss 4.Tired all the time 5. High Blood Pressure 6. Shortness of breath. The reason she thought I might have it is because my blood pressure was high and I had gained a lot of weight. So she decided I needed to have my blood drawn! Now I was even more nervous. Then she told me she needed a urine sample so I went in the bathroom and wet into a little blue cup (exciting huh) Then we had to sit and wait for our MMR. Missy went first so I sat and waited. then it was my turn so I went in. I’m wearing a dress that has only buttons in the front down to the waist so it was really hard to get to my arm. Anyway she said “this is a really stingy shot” then she shot me! It hurt quite bad, but I didn’t even flinch, then we had to go down the hall to another room, anyway I got my arm out I was really embarrassed because I have stretch marks really bad on my arms. Well, she found the vein and poked me and she said “oops! I didn’t get the vein so I am going to have to go fishing” It hurt really bad and when I looked at it it looked so sick with the needle poking out of my arm with blood spurting into it I almost passed out. When I got feeling better I put on my dress then Mother made me an appointment with Mariam on the 13th for my hypothyroidism. They want me to get a glucose test where you get a blood test once an hour for 3 hours. It was a pretty interesting experience.”
This very detailed entry was a result of my never having gone to the Doctor. It made me laugh reading it because I remember how nerve-wracking it was. I never got undressed in front of anyone and I was very uncomfortable. I was slowly and steadily gaining weight at the time, at my follow up I was given a prescription for a thyroid medication and one for anxiety and insomnia. I didn’t really have troubles sleeping, I just didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to read all night because that was my only chance to. So Mom thought I had issues. We never re-filled either prescription.
“March 16, 2006 Thursday
So much has happened since the 11th. I guess I just haven’t decided to write in here. Candice turned 3 on March 11th! On the 12th I went sledding all day, just on our mountain but it was fun. I love snow! On the 13th I went back to the Doctor and got some pills. On the 15th our food card got renewed, and today I went to another sewing class, I am sewing a dress for Madie all I have left is the skirt hem and 1 sleeve. I can’t wait to send it up to her! “
I went down to St. George a month ago and took a visit up to Colorado City. I got a photo of the house I was living at when I wrote this journal
I spent so much time on that mountain. Around on the left side is where we were sledding that day.
Snow was very rare here so I took pictures. Here are some pictures I took on March 12, 2006
Candice on her 3rd Birthday
That is Mother Jenny’s Daughter, Brandy on the table with Candice, they are the same age.