I open the bright pink journal with the glitter words on it “My Journal” on the inside cover is “This Journal belongs to Jessica Rohbock age 13 almost 14” It gives me a lot of memories. I was still pretty innocent at this point. My family and I had moved from Pleasant Grove, UT to Colorado City when I was 10 years old. We lived in a remodeled tool shed of a family that lived there because the bishop didn’t have anywhere for us to stay. I think we lived there for a year and a half until we got word that the Bishop had finally found us a house. The house belonged to a man who got excommunicated and was forced to leave. I remember it was such a scandal because he actually took his kids and wife with him, That meant they were damned. But thankfully, his 3 oldest children had chosen to stay loyal to the priesthood and actually lived across the road from the house with their Grandfather who was a very prominent man in the Church and had 50+ children and probably 10 wives.
The house was enormous and with extremely odd architecture. It was a 3 story house with 8 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms. There was a long dark hall in the basement that was unfinished with 3 light bulbs dangling down leading to the two finished bedrooms at the end. There were 2 little halfway landings in the stairwells that had tiny bedrooms off of them and random cubby holes. The whole top level was a loft that looked down into the living room. I think they were trying to create a unique and awesome house but it just ended up being extremely creepy. I really loved it there we lived there for quite awhile and I came to love it,
Anyway, thats where we were living at the time I started the journal. Here are the first few entries:
“October 2, 2005 Sunday
I’m so happy to be able to start a journal, I have been wanting to for a long time.
I started sewing today, I am making dresses for Candice and Brandy, Its so fun! Its kinda hard doing the zipper… but I did it! its not the best but it was my first one! Mother is going to have a baby and I cant wait, I love little children. I am going to sew little outfits for it.”
I had dropped out of my Grandmothers homeschool a few months earlier because my Mom needed help at the house with the little kids and I was getting super bored with School. My Grandma (bless her heart!) was a great Teacher for arts and crafts and first graders, but I was getting old and wasnt really getting anything out of it anymore.
Candice is my little sister from my Mom and Brandy is my half sister from my 2nd Mom who is the same age as Candice.
October 3, 2005 Monday
I had a headache all day today. But I lived… the dresses are almost done I did the jackets and stuff, it was kinda difficult but I did it! (with Heavenly Fathers help) School has been out for 5 days and its been a pain. Its so quiet and peaceful with the school children gone, I can sew, NAP, clean, tend or whatever needs to be done (in quietness) but they have been home for 5 whole days and its been atrocious! I am SO glad that it started again today!”
I use to get major migraines when I was that age I never got them checked out or wondered what was causing them. My sister who was 15 had gotten kicked out for having sex that resulted in pregnancy. She was 14 at the time and after getting kicked out moved to Salt Lake City with her baby daddy who married her on her 16th birthday. She lived out there for 8 years trying to repent and be let back into the Church. My oldest sister had a job at the local fast food joint and had a social life so I was the one my Mother relied on to help her clean, cook and care for the children.
“October 4, 2005 Tuesday
I didn’t fall to sleep until 3:00am last night. Major headache.
Mother is going to town today for a doctor appointment she is going to bring home an ultrasound picture of our precious little baby! Can’t hardly wait!”
“Town” is what we called our nearby city of St. George, UT where we did all our heavy shopping and Dr. Appointments because our town only had a gas station and a small grocery store. I always kind of hated going because people just stared at us in our long dresses. It made me extremely self conscious and even a little angry because I hated that people judged us.
“October 5, 2005 Wednesday
Mother is extra mad today, better set her a good example 🙂 Uncle Warren said “that how you are when you are expecting is how your baby will be.” I don’t want the baby to be grouchy and yell all the time so, Mother… BE SWEET!”
I was listening to sermons on tapes by Warren Jeffs at the time called “home economics” which were specifically for the women of the Church and I was afraid that my Mom was actually going to ruin the baby because she was having one bad day.