April 4, 2008

“April 4, 2008  

Oh Heavens! You will never guess what has happened! Oh! The Government raided Eldorado (That’s where Uncle Warren has a settlement in Texas with about 500 of our people) They claim that a 16 year old girl called and said that she was being sexually abused so they went in and took 187 children today ranging from 6 months to 17 years old. All were girls. They raided the temple and searched every house. They hauled all the girls away. 18 of the girls are already put into Foster homes. I can’t believe this is happening! It is the 1953 raid all over again! Oh Heaven help us! My feelings are mixed about this, I am scared yet at the same time I feel left out, like I am not a part of the people. I don’t want it to happen here, I just don’t know what to think.”

This was a very scary day for us, it hit so close to home yet didn’t impact us directly. I did have a cousin who was married to Warren Jeff’s brother in Eldorado and her children were taken in this raid but they were so isolated and veiled in secrecy, we didn’t even know for sure if that is where she was. I remember the fear we felt because we thought that all the children would never be returned like the raid on the FLDS in 1953. (see attached links for more info on that) I almost voiced this in the journal entry, but I didn’t say it quite to the extent I felt, I wished desperately that I was one of those girls that had been taken. I even went so far as to fantasize or “daydream” about the family I was given to, them trying to get me to wear normal clothes or denounce Warren Jeffs. I played out scenarios in my head whenever I could get the chance, them forcing me to go to high school and being a part of their family. The funny thing was, it wasn’t a negative thought, I literally wanted it. How very strange for someone who still believed in the FLDS doctrine. Or did I?

Read about the 1953 raid on the FLDS community Here and Here


April 5, 2008

They took the Mothers and boys today. Now all that is left is the Fathers. 35 houses got eviction notices today here in town. So many things are happening, I wouldn’t be surprised if the destructions started happening soon. 


April 8, 2008

We were at work when at 11:00 (1 hour before my lunch break) Manda yelled out “come on girls, we are going home” Everyone was like, are you okay? We still have an hour left. Then she yelled in a really shrill voice “GO GET IN THE CARS RIGHT NOW! Father said to drop everything and go RIGHT NOW” So we gathered up and rushed to the cars and went home. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. About 10 minutes after I got home Uncle Johnny called Mother and told her he couldn’t get ahold of Father and to please call him, he sounded really nervous. 20 minutes later Father said that the FBI were going through all the businesses and finding out where the money comes from, our people need money really bad cause all of the 400 people need a lawyer. I pray to God that it all turns out the way he wants! 


April 13, 2008 

The weirdest thing happened today, Me n Miss are on dinner and Father had gone to town when at about 2:30 he got home and told everyone there was a meeting at 4:00 Father told me to go get ready so I did. We left at 3:00. Missy and Sharon stayed home to tend the kids. We sat in our seats for a whole hour when directly at 4:00 Uncle Alvin Barlow came up and offered prayer and we sang “Up awake ye Defenders of Zion” It was very powerful! We sat down and Uncle Lyle’s voice came over the pulpit, he was on the phone. He updated us on what was going on in Texas. He said we needed to donate all the surplus money anybody had. 


April 14, 2008

There was another meeting at 5:00 this evening I didn’t go but Missy and Sharon did. Uncle Lyle said that the CPS had lied to all the Mothers, they separated the Mothers with children older than 5 and the Mothers with children under 5 into different groups. They took the Mothers with children 5 and older and told them they needed to talk with them, the Mothers asked if they would get to go back to their kids and the CPS said yes so they went with them where they were surrounded by police men and CPS officials and were forced to leave their children. The Mothers begged and said that they promised their children they would come back and asked if they could at least say goodbye and they told them no and loaded them onto buses and carted them back to the ranch. I am so sad. Those poor children being taken from their Mothers! I pray to God that this will end soon!


April 19, 2008

There was a meeting at 8:00 this morning. I am so tired. I watched movies with Miranda all night for her birthday. We watched What a Girl Wants (2 hours) and North and South (4 hours). It was SO fun! 


April 21, 2008 

The stinking CPS are doing DNA tests today. I don’t think they could get any dumber. My only consolation is that they’ll have Heavenly Father to answer too. 


April 22, 2008

Someone in our work has started two websites called fldstruth.org and captivefldschildren.org they are AMAZING! The first one is the whole history of our religion and the captive children one has videos and pictures of when the raid happened. It is heartbreaking. They have opened a donation center, Q&A center, and a timeline. 

Both Websites have since been deleted. There are many videos and pictures remaining on YouTube. Here are some: Interviews of some of the Mothers     Larry King interview      YFZ Press Release  


April 23, 2008

They have started putting the children 5 and older into foster care. I can’t believe it is really happening! I thought the Lord would stop it before it came to this. But I know when Uncle Warren gets out he will gather them up! 

The FLDS genuinely believed that Warren Jeffs would miraculously get freed from jail and Lyle told us in meetings that when that happened he would gather up all the children who remained faithful during this time (didn’t partake in “worldly traditions” such as their dress, holidays, speech, faiths, and entertainment) and bring them to Zion. 


April 24, 2008

Today they separated all the babies and younger children from their Mothers. I am so sad and sickened by the thought. I don’t even want to think about it 😦 

I know now that the FLDS is a sick cult and the people there are either brainwashed victims or master manipulators, but this really was hard to watch. The children were innocent in all of this yet they were the ones torn from their Mothers. I hate seeing children in any kind of pain. 


April 26, 2008

I got called into a meeting at RAS today, it turns out Uncle Randall, Rod, Howard, and Phil are going away. No one knows where or how long. Mike and George will be in charge. I know where they are, they are in Texas building up another business to help support the legal battle Britty and Manda seem to think he’s gone to Zion or something. They are acting really weird about it. 


May 6, 2008 

On the Captive children site they added a new section with music. On it is a song from Debbie Steed, it is sang by a little girl. It is the most heart-wrenching thing I have ever heard. 

Debbie Steed is my relative (I forget how), she was one of the foremost song-writers and singers in the FLDS and I always pretended like I knew her because she was famous. The FLDS made a few videos and wrote a few songs to play on the sympathies of the public during the raid. I have to admit, listening to this song still hits me hard. Hearing it again brings me back to those days of worrying and wondering and feeling so horrible for those little children separated from their Mothers. 

This is the song I mentioned. The little girl at 1:33 is my cousins daughter.  Meant to be Together   

Here are more FLDS videos released during the raid:   Sweet Liberty   Sad Captive Children    “I don’t want to go”  


For those interested in learning more about the FLDS culture, someone has started a channel FLDS Productions that has old videos, songs, and productions from the FLDS. Back in the 90’s before entertainment in itself was banned the FLDS made their own movies and did plays. They even did one called “The Re-Sound of Music” with polygamy added into the story. It is all very entertaining if you can sit through it all.


Funny family video April 2008

Photos from April 2008









March 2, 2008

“March 2, 2008 Sunday 

Today is Mother Clea’s birthday (Mother Jenny’s 3rd Mother) and Grandpa Arnie invited us to Lee’s Ferry. Mother drove the BMW and Danielle got to ride with us. It was super fun and we took a ton of pictures. Guess what!? I got to drive all the way home through the Kiabab mountains and everything, a 2 1/2 hour drive! It was really fun. 


March 11, 2008 Tuesday 

Today is Candice’s birthday, she is 5 years old! I went with Gramma to clean houses in Leeds and St. George today. For some reason she felt like she owed me money so she bought me a ton of seeds I wanted from Walmart and on the way home we stopped at classic sports to “return some shoes” and she came out with some 30 dollar clog shoes for me! She is such a stubborn and hilarious lady. I love her SO much! I am so glad I get to see her so much.”

Clogs aka Crocs. Which took the lovely Creeker ladies by storm. I had a hard time stopping wearing them after I left. Thank God I did. Someone should have told me sooner. My Grandma that I was talking about here is my Dads Mom. She is still in the FLDS I haven’t seen her for over 5 years. 

Photos are from Candice’s Birthday BBQ at Maxwell Park


“March 15, 2008 Saturday 

I got paid today. $125. Its been 3 months since I started and I haven’t gotten a raise yet. The other girls get $250 a week. I work the same hours (40) and as hard as they do. I am gonna have to work up the guts to ask Uncle Randy.


March 16, 2008 Sunday 

When I got up this morning it was cold and snowing. Everyone in town has been plowing and planting like crazy the past few weeks, Spring Fever Galore! It has been so warm lately everyone just thought it was spring. So you can imagine our surprise when we woke up and it was 25 degrees. “

I have since gotten use to the Utah “Springs” 


March 17, 2008 Monday

Father just told us we are fasting for a few days. Something is going on with Uncle Warren but we don’t know what it is. About a month ago he was moved to Kingman. Maybe someone is pressing charges there. I hope and pray that everything will go as the Lord wills it too! 


March 19, 2008 Wednesday 

I had a huge mishap with my clothes this morning and I didn’t get to work until 10:00am. Thank goodness Uncle Randy wasn’t there. Sadie C went to Vegas and barely got back today. I really missed her, she is a hilarious person! I worked as hard as I could and got a lot done. I am about to go to Hurricane to trade the green shoes Grandma got for me for black ones. I hope we go to Perks. I Loooooove Perks! 


They didn’t have the black shoes so we went to Perks and then broke our fast at Wendy’s. It was sooo good! 

Perks was the highlight of my trips to St. George/Hurricane. It is one of those tiny coffee shops that live in parking lots. I went to St. George this past week and got to indulge, it always brings back memories. I craved it like crazy when I was a teenager. 


March 21, 2008 Saturday

We RAS girls went on a Picnic for lunch up the canyon. We had so much fun! We did the hokey pokey on the baseketball court with girls from 14-22 years old. There were tons of people watching us and I loved it! We all raced home and I won. 

This is the first glimpse of my love of being the center of attention. I loved people watching me doing things that weren’t normal, that were brave, and eventually, “evil”. 

March 25, 2008 Tuesday 

Uncle Randy announced that we would be officially counting our hours now. They found out that they made $6.25 an hour and were appalled when they found out that I made $3.16 an hour. I am hoping for Phil to come to his senses and give me a raise. I mean. $3.16 an hour! For Pete’s sake! 

March 26, 2008 Wednesday

Tillie got her surgery done today (to remove cysts from her ovaries) She is home now and in a lot of pain. I hope SOOOO MUCH that this surgery helps her get better so she can lead a healthy youth! 

Some photos of Tillie from March 2008. The story with the red feather in her dress is from our old favorite movie “Ever After” that we use to watch before movies were outlawed in the FLDS, there was a scene when one of the stepsisters (its a Cinderella story) was trying to impress the prince and didn’t have a brooch on her chest so she stuffed a feather there and stuck it out. Tillie was making fun. 🙂 


Here Is a video of Tillie playing with my little sister Libby at this same BBQ 


March 27, 2008 Thursday

I bought Miranda Pride and Prejudice and What a Girl Wants from Amazon. I bought me a Paul Potts CD and all the seasons of Bonanza! 

Any other parents in the FLDS would never let their kid on the internet. Let alone buy things that they didn’t know of. I always bought something to cover up the movies and music I bought and just convince my parents that I just bought some Paul Potts (An America’s got Talent winner, we always followed it on youtube) and they believed me almost every time! I was a lucky bugger. 

Pride and Prejudice was a favorite of my Moms (the 6 hour BBC miniseries with Colin Firth) We had them on VCR when we lived in Salt Lake and had since gotten rid of them. I had my own copy and bought Miranda one too. I re-watched them regularly. I still watch the whole 6 hours at least once a year if not more. I love Jane Austen! Thanks Mom!

March 28, 2008 Friday 

Me and Miss went hiking the Narrows with Karyn, Esther, Tina, and Marie. When we got about 3/4 up I couldn’t go any more, I was exhausted so  I made them go ahead and I went back down. On the way back down I slipped on a rock and fell about 6 feet off a cliff. It really hurt but I was fine. I got to the bottom and started building a dam on the stream. When the others reached me we got in the car and drove around town and whistled and waved at every person we passed, It was very, very fun. 

The Narrows are not to be mistaken with the very popular Narrows in Zions National Park. We had a natural spring that ran through a canyon up in Hildale and there was a hiking trail along the way. This is what I was referring too. 

March 29, 2008 Saturday 

We went to town today, Manda came with us. For the first time EVER I bought me a DVD, Music and Lyrics. It was very nerve-wracking I’ll tell ya!! But, I made it! 

Up to this point I bought all my contraband online. I remember prepping for this, I talked to all my friends who had dared buy a DVD with parents and “righteous people” around (hence, why I mentioned my cousin Manda came with us) they all told me the same thing, you had to pick out the DVD you wanted, hide it and rush to the cashier and pay for it while hoping no one you know saw you, then you had to run to the bathroom, open the DVD discard the case and store the DVD in your bra or leggings underneath your dress and keep it there until you made it safely back to your bedroom. I was so scared cause while my parents weren’t as snoopy as others, I would still be in big trouble if I got caught, I might even lose my job. 

March 31, 2008 Monday

All of the girls got paid today except for me. I don’t know why. Phil paid them all the same and didn’t even count the hours like he was supposed to. I am so down. I hope that he does next week. 

I’m sure the reason he pretended he didn’t count the hours was because he actually did and realized that we all worked a lot more than 40 hours per week. We had been keeping track and were pretty excited about getting some extra money. 

Here are some Family Photos from March 2008. I was discovering a love for taking pictures and you will notice I am rarely on camera, I was always the one taking pictures and still am. I have an side amateur photography business. 


Here and here are some home videos from March 2008. The second one starts out with my sister singing “You’re the one that I want” from the musical Grease. It was just a ringtone but my Mom had grown up listening to the 80’s and watching movies so she passed on some of what she learned to us through her love of singing so that’s how we knew the song. 








January 20, 2008

“January 20, 2008 Sunday

Father just told me that I am going to work for Uncle Randall starting tomorrow. I’m really quite nervous. I’m not quite sure why because I know everyone there, maybe it’s because of how I look. Oh, I don’t know!  I don’t want to go there and not be needed. I want to be helpful. I just pray I’ll get over my shyness and be a big help. It’t pretty awesome though, I HAVE A JOB!”

My Uncle Randall owned an eBay business. He would travel around and buy things from pawn shops and auctions then bring them back home. He had a whole team of tech and mechanical guys who would take the items that he bought for cheap and repair/refurbish them and sell them for a profit on eBay. It had expanded a lot and by the time I started working he had an entire warehouse of inventory. All of his older daughters and sons worked for him for $20 a week. He could have made a huge profit, but he donated most of it to the FLDS leaders. 


“January 21, 2008 Monday 

I just got home from work 🙂 It wasn’t near as embarrassing as I thought it would be. I go from 8-12 then lunch break which I’m on right now. When I got there Britty showed me around and told me what I would be doing. I am working with Karyn doing inventory 2 times a month. Karyn was great fun to be with, we got a whole lot done. I sure hope Uncle Randall appreciates me because I think I am going to like my job very much!  Later, I just got home from the full days work. My feet are about to die! I worked for 8 hours today. I feel like I earned at least 50 dollars! No, just kidding. Did I ever tell you about the picture Mother made for me? She used a picture she took in Mexico and used a wonderful poem called “footprints” I love it! 

Jessica Footprints not bothered

January 22, 2008 Tuesday

I went to town with Grandma Debra and Uncle Randalls girls to clean houses for some millionaire ladies. My feet hurt like heck and I am about to fall to sleep on ya. But other than that I had a good day! One of the ladies gave me and Tillie each a real garnet necklace and the other lady had a VERY VERY cute dog. I bought 44 dollars worth of stuff. I am too tired to write more. Goodnight. 


January 25, 2008 Friday 

I went to Uncle Drews for some embroidery. I saw Emmy, Lindzee, Nettie, Zack, and James. I haven’t seen them for almost 2 years! It took awhile to warm up but we did and it brought back a lot of good memories.


February 2, 2008 Saturday

Today is Mother Jenny’s birthday. She is 26. I got paid today! $125. Thats ONLY for one week! They haven’t paid me for the first week yet. 


February 3, 2008 Sunday 

It snowed at least 6 inches last night!! It’s the most I have ever seen up here before! I went sledding down the mountain on a bassinet mattress, it was great fun! 


February 4, 2008 Monday

I am on snack on Mondays so I made some delicious brownies. Karyn was sooo grumpy today. In the afternoon we sat in the aisle from 4:00-5:30 and she told me her problems. I really like her and am glad she is my friend! 


February 6, 2008 Wednesday

I got to work and suddenly got a horrible belly ache. I went to the bathroom and realized I had started my period! I am dreading it so bad! We have been really busy at work and I am going to feel awful! Manda turns 22 today. On Monday Phil gave me my first weeks pay so then I had $250 so I went to the store and bought Mother, Missy, and Me a pair of shoes. It came to $71.22. It was weird spending money that was rightfully mine. Its going to be weird! 


February 7, 2008 Thursday 

This morning was awful. In truth, I felt like shit. I was having horrible cramps and got really dizzy. We are doing pallet packing at work and we have to relocate every single thing. We did one last week, and we have to do another one this week. I sure wish I wasn’t on my time right now, but I should be rejoicing that at least I can have it! Tillie is down in bed again with a burst cyst. She is going through so much! I hope Heavenly Father will heal her just as he did her arm and she will be able to have children. Lately I have been thinking about married life and the kind of woman I’ll be. I want to be efficient, clean, organized, busy, loving, and strict, yet kind. I want to have healthy, obedient, kind, orderly and sweet children. Everyone thinks I am awful because I only want 5 children. I don’t necessarily want ONLY 5 children but, I want to raise them right and be able to spend time with them. I think of the ladies that get married, everybody, and even themselves expect them to get pregnant every year or so, and they do. But look what happens. They get so busy and worn down that the children are disobedient, house dirty, no hair combed, no morning prayers etc. And eventually those children leave. I think the Lord would rather Quality children rather than Quantity. So, I say I will have a kid every 3 years and train my children right so the Lord can have my 5 quality children rather than 16 quantity apostates. Don’t you agree?”

I don’t remember if I mentioned how I learned about my body. But it wasn’t because I learned it in school or my Mom talked to me about it. It was because I had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and one day while getting something for my Mom in her closet I saw all of these pregnancy and fertility books. I immediately started sneaking into her closet and read each of those wonderful books over and over. I saw diagrams of male and female reproduction organs and how it all worked, including a woman’s menstrual period. It was revolutionary for me. Everything made so much sense. This was before I ever started, so I was probably around 11-12. I clearly remember when I started and I knew exactly what it was and there was no fear involved. I never had questions or concerns. The only reason I ever talked to my Mom about it was because I couldn’t find where she put the pads. So I had to talk to her, I’m very glad I didn’t learn it that way because this is how the exchange went 

Me: Uh, I started bleeding

Mom: *Blushing and averting eyes* Oh. Okay. Um. Just one second. 

Mom: *Handing me a box of pads* Just put these on your panties. 

Me: Okay… thanks… *walks away* 

I was a lucky one. I actually knew what was happening and there was no confusion involved. It wasn’t my Moms fault, it was just incredibly taboo to talk about anything involving sex or a woman’s body and its functions. I kept an eye out for my sister Missy and filled her in when she started. Our younger sister wasn’t so lucky. It didn’t occur to me to tell all of my sisters so the poor kid started and she thought that God was punishing her for a YEAR! She used tissue and prayed and prayed until it stopped, thinking that God had forgiven her.. only to happen every month for a year. Finally our Mom noticed stains on her underwear and told her it was normal and showed her how to use pads. 

So, in my reading of women and their secrets I learned that you do not indeed have to have a baby every year, if you track your cycle you can avoid pregnancy. I immediately decided that I would have a gap between my kids for the reasons stated in the above entry. I knew 95% more than the other girls my age in the FLDS. I am very grateful for that.  The teenage boys were taught about sex in Priesthood Meetings and it was their duty to explain to their new wives when the time came. I can only imagine how that went in some situations. 😦


“February 17, 2008 Sunday 

I have kinda slowed down in my writing. Nothing too exciting has happened. I went to town with Grandma Debra and spent $114!! I bought Mother a $70 quilt, a purse, some shoes, and a few other things. I feel like I didn’t buy anything worthwhile. I need to be more wise! Its so weird spending so much money!  On Friday I was driving to Craigos and I waved at some stoners in a jeep. I passed them again a little while later and I waved at them again. THEN, they chased us all the way home! Yesterday they were cruising us! It makes me nervous cause we didn’t mean to start anything. Our whole family is sick with the flu. Other than that, that’s the news!”

For reference when I said “stoners” I didn’t mean people who smoke weed, I didn’t even know what weed was at this point. In the Crick we called young boys stoners when they were outwardly rebellious; windows rolled down, hats on backwards, sleeves rolled up, gentile music playing. Gentile music is any music that the FLDS members didn’t write and sing. Cruising was what the young people did to show interest in each other, if a boy “cruises”(drives past repeatedly) your house it means he likes you (or one of your 10 sisters) This was not condoned by the Prophet, it was still against the rules to even talk to someone of the opposite sex that wasn’t married. That’s why I was nervous. I didn’t want to get in trouble or worst, I didn’t want those boys to talk to me.

I have a funny story about someone who was cruising my sister Madie before she left: 

The key to good cruising is to be inconspicuous and make sure that only the object of your affection knows you are cruising. If you have a big truck, you drive very slow than rev your engine as soon as you pass the house to alert everyone inside that you are cruising. That is the only obvious cruising allowed because who can resist a big, sexy truck that lets out black exhaust? The Moms would hear and rush to see where their teenage daughters were and not let them go outside. 

My sister Madie had an admirer. He drove one of those tiny little trucks. It had at least 3 different paint colors on it and lots of rust. We all knew who he was for some reason. I think Madie had gotten caught hanging out with him or something and it didn’t help that his truck was very, very noticeable. He was cruising our house for like 15 minutes and the kids ran into the Moms and told them “Boyd is cruising Madie!” We all watched him from the window for 10 more minutes, driving by over and over again, the whole time my Moms blood was boiling. She marched to the Fridge and took out a couple dozen eggs and she said “everyone, come with me! We are going to throw eggs at him when he comes by again” We all ran outside very excited, the sight that greeted Boyd as he came around the curve must have been hilarious; 2 red faced Moms and a dozen little kids standing at the road. He must have been feeling defiant cause he slowed down to drive past us. That’s when we literally pelted dozens of eggs at his truck. He didn’t cruise again for weeks. To this day that is one of my favorite memories. The Moms and all the kids united against one guy. It was great. 


“March 1, 2008 Saturday 

I went for a cruise with Miranda, Danielle, Natalie, and Missy today. All of those girls are Mother Jenny’s sisters. Miranda gave me some movies! The Dukes of Hazzard and Material Girls, and 3 discs of Scrubs! We cruised out to Centennial and had a really good time.”

Centennial is a neighboring polygamist group. It was like a 5 minute drive away from Colorado City. The group is a break-off of the FLDS and started their own thing. They are much more lenient than Warren Jeffs, they lead normal lives other than having multiple wives. As expected, the FLDS hated the very mention of those people.

We were taught that they, along with the mainstream LDS were the worst people on earth in God’s eyes because they knew the truth and they rejected it.  

As you can tell by how easily I mentioned borrowing and watching movies I am losing some of the guilt associated with the evil deed. In Mesquite I would cry in my closet from the guilt I felt about watching “Little house on the Prairie” so you see, I am making progress. 











January 1, 2008

“January 1, 2008  Tuesday 

The first day of my improving year!


January 4, 2008  Friday 

Today is Tommy’s birthday, he is two years old. Boy, do I remember his birth! He was 4.2 pounds and went down to 3.4 pounds. I was with Mother most of the time he was in the hospital. You would never think that he was a preemie if you saw him now! He is a very very active little boy. 


Father had a meeting with Uncle Johnny tonight and when he got home he said that U. Johnny was going to have him start a rebar company that would cause him to have to move back into town. Uncle Johnny is waiting for a call from Uncle Lyle. We wont be moving for a couple months because Father has to set up the shop. He is going to be the boss! I am so excited! Of course there are many pros and cons, but it will be fun, I’m sure! Here is a list of my pros and cons:


  • -I will see Tillie more often                                                                                                                                        
  • -I will get to drive                                                                                                                                                          
  • -I will get a job                                                                                                                                                              
  • -I will go to Roberts (a St. George scrapbooking store) 


  • -No more so much time alone                                                                                                                                  
  • -Tons of visitors                                                                                                                                                              
  • -Most likely bugs                                                                                                                                                          
  • -Most likely creepy house                                                                                                                                            
  • -Aunt Becky                                                                                                                                                                    
  • -Grandpa Arnie and his wives                                                                                                                                
  • -Isaac running away                                                                                                                                                    
  • -Costco and Walmart not 3 minutes away 

Okay, there they are but I am still excited! “

I gained about 80 pounds when we lived in Mesquite and Las Vegas, NV. We had absolutely nothing to do and I became addicted to food. As you can see, I came to love my solitude but it wasn’t because I was an introvert, it was because I was extremely self-conscious of my newly fluffy body and I didn’t want to be around people because I always ended up feeling horrible about myself and  I would go home and eat my feelings, leading to guilt, which led to even worse self-esteem. It was a vicious cycle. I am now 24 years old and I am finally getting a hold of my bad eating habits. Yay! Go me. Better late then never, right?


“January 5, 2008 Saturday 

I have some news! Uncle Lyle called and said that we were moving today! Father already has Uncle Randalls guys coming down to help. Oh my goodness!! This is too fast! 


Britty, Manda, Jared, James and Uncle Mike came. They helped pack for a while then Uncle Lindsey called and said that they had to clean the house and it would be two more days. Oh fluz. What a pain. Oh well. I’ll live.


January 6, 2008 Sunday 

Father woke me with the news that the moving crew is coming down to move us today. My goodness. I bet plans will change as soon as they get here. 


January 12, 2008 Saturday 

Well, here I am, sitting in my new room in our new house. We were moved up here by Sunday night. This house is crappy downstairs and fairly nice upstairs. There are 3 rooms upstairs occupied by the Mothers and Me and Missy. The Mothers rooms are the same size but Mothers has a balcony with stairs to outside. They don’t have a bathroom but each has a vanity and a walk-in closet. Mine and Missy’s room is a little smaller with no vanity but there is an armoire sort of built-in cupboard thing that is kind of nice. We had to have the scrapping room in here so its kind of cramped. The downstairs has 4 rooms plus a canning kitchen, school room, and sewing room. The back yard is just big enough to drive a car around then its cut off by the mountain, the front yard is a fair size, all grass and trees but no fence. I think I am going to like it! 



January 16, 2008 Tuesday 

I have had an eventful day. Mother woke me up to tell me that Tillie wanted me to go to town with her and we were leaving at 10. A few weeks ago Tillie gave me a new dress she made me, it is a gorgeous aqua green color, but its about 1.5 inches too low waisted. I told mother that if she fixed it I would go so I flew out of bed and started unpicking the waist which had serging AND top stitching done on it. It took so stinking long! I have about a quarter left to do and it was 9:45. I ran and combed my hair and Tillie got here. She had an appointment in town at 11am the dress wasn’t done and I had nothing to wear. I just told Mother I would stay home. Tillie pounded on my door and made me wear a dress I hadn’t worn in a long time because I gained weight. The buttons pulled apart and my butt stuck out far, all in all, I looked pretty awful. We ended up leaving at 10:30. We got to go to eat at Wingers, I got the chicken Alfredo, its my favorite meal and Wingers makes it the best. While eating we bumped into Ron Rohbock who had gotten his family taken away about 4 years ago and went wacko he is Uncle Randalls brother (Fathers too, just different mothers) It was really weird! We went home and I spent the day with Tillie at RAS (Uncle Randalls eBay shop)  When we got to Tillie’s house she told me the coolest most touching story I have ever heard. I hadn’t noticed, but her arm is almost completely healed up! She told me that yesterday her Father gave her a blessing, she said that before it was over she had almost stopped bleeding, then that night, Uncle JD Roundy, Uncle Lindsey and another man she cannot tell me who, came to her house and gave her a message. I cannot write it here, but it will stay in my heart and mind forever. Tillie is a very very special person. I do not deserve to be her friend. 


January 18, 2008 Sunday 

I don’t know if I ever told you about the car that Father bought from Roy. But its a BMW! Ever since we have been back in town I have been driving and it has been gloriously fun! This afternoon Tillie invited me to lunch at the Flower Depot, I had a great time. 



October 15, 2007

“October 15, 2007 Monday

We started school today, It was really fun! We start at 9:00, have morning class until 9:30 the we do English and Handwriting, then we have a 15 minute break from 10:30-10:45 then we do math then lunch break from 11:30-1:00 then we do book of mormon. ABC’s and reading then a 15 minute break the we end with Science and Art. It was great fun! I think I am going to enjoy teaching school.”

We were able to do school from a curriculum censored and developed by FLDS leaders. I think my parents did have to pay for it. Other than the creepy brainwashing material, it was actually convenient to just go and print out the days work. It only went up to 9th grade so I never benefited from a highschool education. I have recently discovered a website called “Khan Academy” That gives me free highschool level classes. I dedicate a couple hours a day to it so I can prepare for college. 

This was recently sent to me by a friend. This was a
This was recently sent to me by a friend. This was a “business class” assignment given to her in the 7th grade in a FLDS ran school. It was only given to the female students.

“October 17, 2007 Wednesday

Today is Margs 32nd Birthday. I wish I could do something for her but we’re broke this month, cause Father gave $3500 out of $5000 to Uncle Warren. But anyway, Happy Birthday Marg!! 


Marg called Mother and told her that she was expecting! What a wonderful Birthday present! 

November 21, 2007 

Oh. I am so lousy at writing in here! If I would only take 5 minutes a day I would never have to play catch-up. Gah. Why did I choose these months to be lazy? They are so filled with events and happenings! Well, I have to start somewhere. About a week after her birthday Marg had a miscarriage. It was so sad. I went to Uncle Randalls house on October 29th so I could go with Tillie to Phoenix for a neurologist appointment. We left on Tuesday night at 3am. The ride took 6 hours. We stopped only once. It was a VERY scenic drive. We got to Pheonix and went pawn shopping until 1pm then we went to Tillie’s appointment. All I can say about the Doctor is that he was a butt-head! He told us exactly what we already know. She has Lymphedema caused by RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) and she needed to find a Lymphedema Specialist and do physical therapy to bring the swelling down, and because we took so long to get it treated it might be a permanent condition. 😦  In the morning we went home. We stopped at Lees Ferry. It was amazing to see Uncle Roys growing up place! The night I left for Uncle Randalls Mother Jenny and William went to Brawley. I was sad that I was going to miss the peace, but when I got home on November 6th they were still gone and they are coming home today (November 21st) So I had time to enjoy it! On November 18th Libby grew 2 little teeth in the front she is the most precious thing on earth! I love her to death! We didn’t even know she was teething, she never cried unless she is hungry. She is my total joy. I got my eyes examined on November 15th, my old glassed had been broke for almost a year, I had to solder them back together every 2 days. My eyesight is way worse than it was. Now comes the sad news. Uncle Warren got sentenced on November 20, 2007, he was sentenced to 10 years and that is just in Utah, now he has to go to Arizona and face more charges there. It is hard to believe but I know he is in Heavenly Fathers hands. On November 10, 2007 Parleys sister dies from a long cancer battle. She had her leg amputated but it still spread and she died. She was just 13 years old. Father and MJ were still in California but we went up to town to see Madie, Parley, Oakley and Kacie and to attend the funeral. I ended up staying at Margs house to tend all the children but I still got to see Madie and it was so good to see her! Kacie and Oakley are adorable! I saw my old friends Mary and Priscilla Steed. I met them when we lived at Jethro’s house. They lived right down the road. It was like a loop with 3 houses and we had friends from each one. I also had “boyfriends” from every house. When I was 13 I was skinny and super cute. At the steeds house there was Gerald, Newel, and David. Gerald and Newel were 14 and David was 13. At Uncle Drew’s house there was Cory (14) then at Uncle Deans house there was Orrin (14) Me, Missy, Sharon and Newel and David would go play on the mountain behind our house. We would play battlefield (a game I invented) for hours, and sometimes cowboys and indians. We built huts all over the mountain made from trees, we named rocks and caves and trails. David was Sharons, Newel was Missy’s, and Gerald was mine. I secretly liked Newel but I didn’t want to make Missy mad so I never said anything. One time me and Missy carved our initials on the secret rock and a couple days later we went back and each one said “I love” over the top. So it was like “I Love JR and I love MR”  We did carvings all the time and there were little “love” notes all over the mountain. We were pretty naughty. I was worse than my little sisters though. Orrin took me on fourwheeler rides and I would go out all night with him and Gerald. Never together though, they always argued about who I liked better. I liked Orrin the best out of all of them. I still have a little piece of wood he made me that he burnt “I ❤ you” onto it. Cory stole things for me (How romantic…) I still have one thing he stole from yellowstone. Its a wooden key chain thats carved into my name. Orrin once gave me a watch. Gerald gave me music, tapes, watches, rings, bracelets and love notes. Orrin is a really good young man and he is still here, I still like him a lot because I know he truly liked me as a friend and didn’t want to use me. Well sorry to go off subject…. 

“When I was 13 and super cute”
My beautiful baby sister Libby. She always has had a special place in my heart!
My beautiful baby sister Libby. She always has had a special place in my heart!

Here is a Video I took of the family sitting down for evening class in November 2007, looks like my Dad and Mother jenny were still in California. Click here to watch

I sound like such a brat. 

When Father was gone, we took turns reading at class. My little sister Missy is the one reading, she is reading from one of the many volumes of teachings by the FLDS prophets. 

December 23, 2007 Sunday 

Hi Everyone! Today is my 16th birthday! Yours truly is 16 years old. Its hard to believe! Father took me and missy. First, he wanted to go on a rollercoaster or something like that but when he asked me what I wanted, I told him that Mother had been wanting a certain bedspread for a long time and I wanted to get it for her. So we went and got it! Then he made me pick something out for Mother Jenny so she didn’t feel bad 😦 Then he bought me a really nice body pillow and a down blanket and 2 down pillows! He is so awesome!” 

I had my down blanket until a couple months ago, it ripped and all the feathers flew out (that was fun to clean up) But It was my most loved possession for 8 years. Thanks Pops. 

December 31, 2007 Monday

Today is the last day of 2007! It has been a very eventful year. I can’t say that I’ve improved much. I have gained 34 pounds. I sit on the computer all day, I’m a grumpy bitch, I procrastinate more than ever, and I’m lazy. I am determined to make 2008 end very nice. 140 pounds, happy, useful, busy, loving and kind! Wish me luck! (oh yeah, and get over my shyness) 

My sister Missy, 2007
My sister Missy, 2007
We got a new picture. Wendell Nielson, Warren Jeffs, Fred Jessop
We got a new picture. Wendell Nielsen, Warren Jeffs, Fred Jessop

July 4, 2007

“July 4, 2007

We went to Uncle Randalls house for dinner. It took us 3 hours to get there but it was still worth it. I had a ton of fun! Uncle Randalls guys were quiet and sad because Gail took Rulons children away about 2 weeks ago. Uncle Randalls guys have been taking care of them for over a year so everyone was pretty sad. The ride home was hell. Tommy screamed the whole way there. It was a horrible ride.”

Rulon is my Dad’s youngest brother. He had 3 children with his wife, she left and then eventually came back for the kids. The bishop told Rulon not to fight so he surrendered. He probably hasn’t seen them since. 

I do remember that ride home, but for a different reason than the fact it was horrible. It was because it was the 4th of July and as we were driving over the hill into Vegas there were fireworks going off over the entire surface of the city. It was breathtaking. I wonder why I didn’t write about it! 

“July 7, 2007 Saturday

Today is 07-07-07 ! Just had to write that date down. Today is a beautiful day. Although it is 120 degrees outside. 

July 17, 2007 Tuesday 

Father and Mother Jenny went to California, yes. Even though it is Mothers turn. Mother begged Father to take Mother Jenny and I’m glad. Its like heaven when Mother Jenny is gone. Its like I jump out of the sewer into Hawaii and took a breath of fresh air. I feel so bad for Mother though. I hate how she is bound here for the sake of her kids. She is scared because of how Mother Jenny treats them so she never goes. I love my Mother. I wish that father would quit being so scared of Mother Jenny, be brave and push her off of him and say “I’m taking Kate this time. You’re staying here, and yes, we will go shopping and yes, we are going to have a good dinner, you will survive” Bur he doesn’t. I am sick of it. Just because Mother Jenny is a problem causer, whiner and an idiot and Mother is kind and forgiving doesnt mean that Mother Jenny gets what she wants. Just to make peace. Its like Mother Jenny is getting rewarded for being bad. If Mother stopped forgiving, started having problems, cried all the time, was unfair to the kids, was grumpy and mean to Father, made mountains out of molehills, thought that her kids could do no wrong, and thought that SHE was the only one doing whats right, then Father would take her. But Mother is too sweet. I am SO sick of it! 

July 22, 2007 Sunday

I have wonderful news! Father and Mother Jenny are staying in California for a whole other week! Its SO nice! I love it when they’re gone!

July 23, 2007 Monday

Margs guys are coming down today and are staying until Wednesday. I know its going to be real hectic. Our kids and Margs kids together make an F5 tornado!

July 25, 2007 Wednesday

I talked to Tillie today for an hour and a half. She told me that last Wednesday her arm started hurting and by night time she couldn’t feel it and it was black and blue. She has been to the clinic and hospital every day since then and nobody can find out what is going on! Doctor Lehi told her she might lose her arm. I feel so nervous for her! She is being brave and is laughing it off, but I know that she is scared. I love her so much and hope that she gets it healed!!

July 27, 2007 Friday 

I’ve made up my mind. I’m leaving. I can’t stand living here anymore cramped into this house! The way Mother hates me and can’t even stand me hurts. I wrote her a letter and asked her if she cared if I left and she didn’t answer me. So I take it as “no one would care” I asked her to talk to me and give me a hug, told her that I needed her. She didn’t and now I know that she doesn’t need me or want me here. So I am going”. 

Teenagers. At this point I think this was more a cry for attention than actual leaving. Although the fact that I even thought about it put me legions ahead of other FLDS youth. 

“July 28, 2007 Saturday 

Dearest Journal, How can Heavenly Father bless me so much by giving me Tillie?? Yesterday I was going to tell Mother that I was leaving. I then decided to tell her and Father together today after Father got home. Well, this morning, I woke up to a call from Tillie. She began telling me a story about her and Jason, she said one day she felt horrible, she said it wasn’t a headache or a body ache, she said her heart just hurt, like an ache deep within her and she wanted to throw up. Finally she got down on her knees and prayed for over an hour and went to bed (this was on a wednesday) That sunday Jason got home from work and was talking to Tillie, he told her, “Tillie, I almost died on Wednesday night” Then he told her what happened. He was working underneath a big forklift trying to fix it when suddenly it started moving, he couldn’t move and it was heading straight toward his head, he tried and tried to get out but he was pinned under it, when it was 4 inches from his head he closed his eyes and prayed  with more faith and prayer than in his entire life then everything went black. When he woke up he was 10 feet away from the forklift, he looked around but no one had even seen it happen! He went into his room and prayed a grateful prayer and went to bed. Tillie asked him what time it happened and he said 8:30 — The exact time when Tillie started praying! 

Anyway, Tillie said that yesterday she had the exact same feeling and that she couldn’t get me off her mind. So she has been praying for me. She told me that she loved me, and to be encouraged, and don’t do anything dumb. A wonderful feeling came over me and right then I decided not to leave, that I was going to try harder than ever to be good. I love Tillie so much! I don’t deserve her. I can only pray that Heavenly Father can bless her 10x more! 

July 29, 2007 Sunday 

Father talked to me about the letter I gave Mother. He was so sad that I had thought about leaving. He told me that Mother has a hard time showing love to her older children, but that she really loves us. He started crying and said “I have always loved my little blonde haired girl” It made me feel so bad to hurt him. He is taking me and Mother with him to California for a week. I don’t really want to go, but I have too. 

I have to say that even with all these entries that are focused on the way my Dad treated my Mom, I love my Dad very much. I was dealing with some hard emotions and being 1 out of 19 makes it hard for you to be singled out and cared for. We all make mistakes. I grew up. My Dad has changed. For the first time we are at a really good place. The past is definitely in the past. These entries are facts. They are how I felt at the time and I can’t change that. I just choose to share it. So Dad, if you end up reading this. Just remember that. It happened. We cant change that, what we need to focus on is what we have now. And I love you with all my heart. 

October 7, 2007 Sunday 

Dear journal, I have not written you for 2 months! So much has happened! We went to mexico and if was really fun! It was a horrible place really, it was so filthy and there were so many people! And at the border there were like 100 beggars and vendors in the middle of the road, we had to wait for more than 2 hours to get out of Mexico because the lines move at turtle pace. I got to go to the beach it was amazing and a beautiful sight! I had a very fun time! Well, we got home from our Cali trip and Father had to go again on August 14th and he took Missy, Mother and Lib. They went to sea world and had a great time. Father said I can have an allowance. $2 a day if I can get up at 7am every day. Madie had a baby boy on August 14th 2007. They named him Oakley Jack Knudson. Cute huh! On September 4th it was 1 year since we moved from Uncle Sams to Mesquite! We were planning a program for Fathers birthday on September 24th and we were almost ready but we moved! Yep. But I’ll tell you more about that after this. Back in May (May 11th to be exact) Father told me that Ben and Marg were called to testify in Uncle Warrens trial. Well on September 11, Ben asked if I could tend his kids for a little while because he and Marg were getting ready for the trial. So I was up there for 10 days, September 11-21 they went 2 times and Marg had to study for 4 hours a day. I had fun but it got pretty stressful. Uncle Warrens verdict came in on the 25th of September. They said he was guilty. At first I had a feeling of dread and deep sadness but then I realized it happened according to Heavenly Fathers will and I felt better but I sure wish our Prophet could be relieved of his suffering….. Well, I got home on the 21st and we moved on the 26th We knew we had to move by the end of August. We went to see our new house, It is about an acre, with an 8ft fence around it and a code-activated gate, it has a huge yard with grass and a playset, it has 8 rooms, a big laundry room, a HUGE kitchen/dining/living area, 4 bathrooms, 5 closets, a huge sewing room, and my own scrapping room! Thats all about the house. I am going to teach David and Merilyn school, we have a little room for a school room. I am starting on the 15th. Tillie is still so sick. I would tell you more but it would take 30 pages. I just hope she gets better soon, she doesn’t deserve this. 

Jessica Footprints not bothered DSCF7396 DSCF7393 DSCF7385

May 21, 2007

“May 21, 2007 Monday 

I have been having troubles with Mother Jenny lately. Ever since we came home she has been so grumpy, she acts as if Mother committed a sin by having her baby. She wont even look at her and she hasn’t held her since we came home. I put a picture of the baby as the G-mail profile picture and when Mother Jenny got on the computer she took it off and put one of William. William has been the profile picture since he was born.She is so jealous and full of hate! She bugs the HELL out of me! 


I got in big trouble because I grabbed Sam’s cheek and told him to leave Tommy alone. I think I’m gonna leave. I’ll go live with Parley and Madie or Grandma Pam. I am so sick of this. 

I was basically a Mom to my younger siblings, I could discipline them and they had to obey me. My Mom and Dad trusted me to use good judgement, but when it came to Jenny’s kids, they were untouchable, Jenny would tell them outright they didn’t have to listen to my Mom or myself even though that was against the religious rules. Warren would say that the children in Plural marriages shouldn’t even know who their birth Mother was. It was to be ran as a household, all Mothers giving equal love to all children. Yet, there was this clear divide in my family. Whenever I would strike out at Jenny’s kids it was because they had pushed me far enough that I dared inflict the wrath of Jenny on myself. They would go out of their way to prove that I couldn’t do anything about what they did, they constantly picked on my youngest siblings, didn’t do their chores, taunted me and lied about everything because they knew they were immune. Jenny ALWAYS won. She would cry and yell at my Dad about it when he got home and he would inevitably come to me and yell at me or somberly talk about how I was disappointing the Prophet by my actions, I needed to Keep Sweet. I couldn’t. I was an angry teenager and I hated the injustice of it all. So I would regularly strike out when I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Usually something quick like a pinch, or a squeeze that would result in Jenny’s kid throwing themselves on the floor crying uncontrollably until their Mom came running. I always did it in a blur of adrenaline that felt satisfying immediately afterwards, then disgust at their show for their Mom, then regret, then fear of the consequences of my actions, I never got away with it once. My Dad rarely listened to my side. He told me he needed me to be more like my Mom, just forgive and forget. Keep Sweet. 

“May 22, 2007 Tuesday 

Holy Helk! I was mad yesterday. Sorry for saying I was going to leave. I was seriously thinking about it, but the longer I thought about it the more I decided that NO I am staying here. I am determined to do better and ignore and forgive Mother Jenny and her kids. And overcome my swearing! I have been saying “hell” and “shit” Sorry 😦 

May 26 2007, Saturday 

Mother has been gone to Margs since the 23rd she has Missy and the baby. I miss the baby SO much! 


I am MAD right now!! I was going to take the laptop to exercise, but Father told me he needed it and he and Mother Jenny went into his room and locked the door. I know exactly what they are doing! -Watching a movie called “Night at the Museum” I am peeved! 


I think if Father cared about me, he’s spend more time with me. I know I don’t deserve to be loved but it hurts bad to see that its not just my imagination. If I left right now, no one would be sad. They’s just say “good riddance” I hurt inside. I wish someone would take the time to talk to me and let me know that they love me, but I know no one really does. Whenever I try to talk to Mother about my feelings she finds and excuse to leave me there. I just want to leave. i need help. Half of me wants to leave and the other half wants to stay with my family and go to Zion. ohhh. Help me! 

May 28, 2007 Monday 

Mother got home yesterday afternoon and it has been hell! Mother Jenny has been grumpy since the second Mother walked in. 

May 30 2007 Wednesday 

June 1st is Tillies Birthday. I don’t know what to do for her! We don’t have any money, and I cant make her anything. I called her and asked her what she wanted and she told me just a hug from me. So I am going to go home with Ben on Thursday night then I will go to the Flower Depot on Friday morning and then go home on Monday night. I already asked Father and he said he would think about it. I hope he says yes! 

June 3, 2007 Sunday 

I went with Ben on Thursday night and spent the whole day with Tillie at the Flower Depot! It was so fun! 

June 7, 2007 Thursday 

Father FINALLY named our baby girl! And it is Liberty Grace Rohbock. (Thanks to me!) I am going to call her Libby. Father says we are moving tomorrow. He called Rulon and asked for help. I don’t know what we will do for boxes but hopefully something will show up!.

If you recall, Dad was going to name the baby Roberta after a lady he knew named “Bert” I wracked my brain for days trying to think of other names that had Bert in it cause we HATED the name. Mother cried when Father told her because she disliked it so much. I think that really made him think. He named every single one of his children without any word from their Mom. It took him so long to name her because he finally cared what Mother thought.  I came up with the name LIberty Grace and had Mother present it to him, he thought about it for a week or so and finally announced thats what her name was. I was very happy! Libby is one special little girl. I love her with all my heart! 

DSCF6473 DSCF6369from the laptop 106

Libby, December 2012

“June 8, 2007 Friday 

We ARE moving! Rulon, Tillie, Jared and James are here to help. I am packing you! Have a safe ride! 

June 10, 2007 Sunday

Well, here we are in our new home. It is much bigger than the last one! It has an upstairs with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, the downstairs has 1 bedroom, 2 living rooms,1 dining room, 1 bathroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. Father gets the Master, Mother has a room with Libby, and Mother Jenny has a room with William. Sharon, Merilyn, Candice and Brandy share a room. All the rooms have walk-in closets except for Sharons but she has the second biggest room in the house. Downstairs, me, Missy and Tommy share a room and we have the scrappin room in there too. The yard is half of the last one but it has a brick fence so it means we can go outside! I really like this new house! 


We are fasting for 3 days starting tomorrow, to pray for the deliverance from the revelations of Satan. I can’t tell you how we know, for it is a secret. 

More like Lyle Jeffs ordering thousands of people not to eat for 3 days and be happy about it. He was laughing at us. I know it. 

June 14, 2007 Thursday

We are done fasting. The kids ate Macaroni and Cheese for dinner last night, I NEVER knew how good mac n’ cheese was until that moment when I couldn’t have it. It looked so good. 

June 23, 2007 Saturday 

Today is Mother and Fathers 21st Anniversary. and guess what. Father took Mother Jenny to Park City for the weekend! They left yesterday morning. I am SO MAD!!!! I can’t imagine what would happen if Father did this on Mother Jenny’s anniversary! She would probably leave Father or she would never forgive him, and she would cry about it every night until she was 82. I feel so bad for Mother! Sometimes her being so sweet makes me mad! Just because Mother Jenny is a whiner and a complainer doesn’t mean she should get whatever she wants. But she does. The last time Mother went alone with Father somewhere, it was to the bank, they were gone for 20 minutes and Mother Jenny called Father 3 times! That was the last time in like 3 months. Any time she goes with Father, Mother Jenny has to go too, or Mother chooses to stay because Mother Jenny is a trouble-maker. To her, her kids can do NO wrong and she hates Mothers kids with venom. She is unfair and cruel when Mother is gone and Mother loves us so she doesn’t leave us. Mother Jenny went alone with Father 17 times to Vegas when we lived in Mesquite, all of them were all day, with a shopping spree and ended with an expensive dinner. Mother went 16 times, with Mother Jenny. To do monthly shopping at Sams Club. And since we have moved here, Mother has gone once with Mother Jenny and Mother Jenny has gone 3 times alone with Father. NOW they are in Park City, UT for Mothers Anniversary weekend and Mother is here, watching all the kids, and cooking all of Mother Jenny’s dinners. !!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!!!! I am so upset! 😥 I love my Mother more than life and I wish Father would pay her more attention and treat her like the loving, kind, and forgiving wife she is. She is not a SLAVE! And STOP being run by Mother Jenny!!!! I am sorry Mother…. 

Makes me so sad…

July 3, 2007 Tuesday 

Today is Mothers Birthday. She is 37. Father hasn’t even had anyone sing Happy Birthday to her. On Mother Jenny’s Birthday we sang 3 times. They are gone to lunch right now with Uncle Randall and Aunt Apey, Grandma Debra and Rulon. Mother Jenny went. (Mother didn’t go to Mother Jenny’s birthday dinner) I am so sick of Mother being treated like she is nothing!!! 

My bitterness about the years of my Mom being treated like this is definitely starting to come out. This is when everything started changing for me. I started questioning the religion, I had bad feelings toward my Dad, all I believed in anymore was my Mom. She was my everything. The frustration and anger I felt everyday on her behalf led to all the choices I made later on. 

This blog is my FLDS story, in my own prewritten words taken from my 4 Diary's from the age 13-18 up until I left.